The last time I wrote anything of importance, it was my vows. Feels odd that before then, I was in a dry desert choking on the dusty sands of what were only vague memories of writing. I hope my vows didn't show how rusty I was... but somehow I think they might've.
I remember that before, my best inspiration to write came through trials and pain. Whenever I was doing so out of happiness, my writing felt cliche and juvenile. I might as well have been writing about lollipops and rainbows (I think I did a couple times). And besides, who really enjoys reading something that just makes you compare your own life and forces you to wonder why you aren't feeling the way the author is. Isn't that what Facebook really feels like at times? A bittersweet comparison of your own life?
I did happen to squeeze out a few good pieces when I was on a Christian high. In hindsight, I can understand why some people thought I lost my mind. When you're in that place of complete awe and awareness of your Creator for the very first time, you can't help but praise and worship what you finally receive is real.
I imagine it must feel something like being completely alone. Your only hope is to find your parents whom you've never met... or at least, you don't remember. And you hope they will be something like what you see on an episode of Parenthood. Then when you finally meet them, they are more perfect and more loving than you would ever have the capacity to envision yourself. You're reunited and realize they were hoping each and every day that you would find them too. That they had been loving you tremendously just waiting for the very day you were.
No -- it's really nothing like that... because even that feels far less than what it felt like for me at that time. So, I guess that's exactly why some people thought I had lost it. But actually, I had lost a lot back then... and I wish it had happened far sooner. I wouldn't have spent so many years shackled underneath the weight of my own anguish.
But here I am, at least a couple years after I had written just for the sake of writing. At least a couple years since I allowed myself the freedom to just randomly jot down my thoughts, and process through the inner workings of my heart and mind. It's a new season of learning... and I'm intrigued and open to what might become of my writing now. I hope you are as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment